A couple of days ago (Friday, May 16th) the door bell rang and as I got to the door no one was there. I opened the door to find a brown paper package leaning against the wall on the porch and then looked up and saw a postal attendant walking down my driveway into her truck and drive off. Dug came downstairs to see who was at the door as Lacey was still barking. I picked up the package and turned to Dug. I knew what it was. On Saturday April 12th, excited to be new parents in a few months, we went to the Baby Show at the International Centre near the airport. There we found these amazing custom name plaques made of wood and painted in whatever colours you wanted. Already having found out the genders of our babies and deciding on their names we ordered two; one for our baby boy Cole with a big letter C in navy blue with a black background and a gold star and one for our baby girl Breanna with a big letter B in beautiful pastel colours with two flowers. They were going to be custom made to our specifications and delivered in a few weeks. I thought about them a couple of times when I was in the hospital on bed rest worried that Cole was not going to have enough fluid to develop his lungs and die even if I made it to full term. I thought about what we were going to do with the plaque if that happened and how depressing it would be when the plaques arrived. We loved the name Cole so much I even considered, which now I can’t even believe I ever thought, that we would save it for our next boy that we would name Cole. Well, they had arrived and as I looked at the package I just froze. I didn’t know what to do. I gave the package to Dug and asked if it would be okay with him if we didn’t open it right then. He agreed and put the package in the babies’ room.
That day we went about our errands as usual. Later, my dad came over with dinner and while Dug was putting together the new TV stand we bought that day at Costco I considered bringing down the package and showing my dad what we had bought. But I decided that it might be too upsetting for my dad so I didn’t. That evening, as Dug tucked me into bed, I asked him to bring the package. I wanted to open it. He asked if I was sure and I said “yes, I wanted to be sad.” As we struggled to open the packages I couldn’t believe that the moment I was dreading had arrived. When we finally got the packages opened I was amazed at how well they turned out. They were so beautiful. Dug and I just stared at them in silence and cried. I thought about how I wanted to put the plaques above each of their cribs and how much they would have loved them as they grew up. Cole’s was perfect for a young boy. I imagined that as he got older he would want in on the outside of his bedroom door and then later keep it in a box of old toys and mementos when he went off to university. Breanna’s was so girly looking. I imagined her as she grew up in a frilly girly bedroom with her plaque always above her bed. But none of that was going to happen now. Instead I asked Dug “what are we going to do with these?” He responded that we would keep them in their memory box. I said that Breanna’s was too big and would not fit and Dug said we’ll get a bigger box then. Then Dug took them to the babies’ room and put them on the futon with the rest of their mementos. Eventually I will go through, sort and pack away their mementos but for now they will stay in the room until I’m ready.
2 years ago